The pup hates technology.

Now this may seem odd, but it is most certainly true.  My ridiculously charming schnauzer hates technology.  The TV doesn't bother him too much, there is not enough interaction required which could get in between him and I.  The computer he is not crash hot about, if we are the only ones home, and I sit at my desk to write then I here a ridiculous sigh and he usually goes to the other room to sleep.  I kid you not, but this is still nothing, his true hate lies in the kindle and the iPhone.  He truly hates them, or more to the truth, hates what they do to me.  Whenever I sit/lie down with my kindle he knows I'm out for at least an hour.  Which he has figured out means no walk, food, pat or play.  Needy much?  I can not tell you the amount of times I have put it on my bed, gone to make some tea and come back to find it on the floor and him curled up looking sly where it was, if its not on the floor, he is sitting on it.  Now of course he doesn't know what it is or does, but he has most certainly made the connection that when I have it, he gets less attention.  What a brat.  This act is still nothing compared to his reaction and action to my iPhone.  This ALWAYS ends up on the floor, under the couch/bed or under his butt.  I actively have to keep it away from him so he doesn't destroy it.  I try play words with friends, tweet, read, text, whatever and he carries on like a pork chop.  I get the sigh, leaving of the room, if he can he will cover it with his face or just straight up sit on it if its on my lap and if he is really feeling neglected he tries to attack it.  Ok by attack I more mean just paw at it until it is out of my hand.  If this all does not work he usually just sits on me starring very intensely or goes to his toy basket proceeding to take everything out, bringing it to me one by one to see if I will play.  As I type this he is leaning so hard on my hand to make me pat him every sentence is a struggle, lucky I didn't get a bigger dog.  For now I find it humorous and quite funny that he is opposed to technology, bright hey?  But it also makes me more aware if I have not walked him yet or am not giving him enough attention, he is a boy after all.  My retaliation is simply trying not to leave anything where he can sit on it or fling it, and not get too involved in mind dulling activities, not including the kindle of course.  In a way his hate is a good thing, stops me from being too...boring?

Marvin the schnauzer

True love IS holding it in.

The modern day romantic seems to think that partners farting in front of each other means true love, not holding your farts in is love?  Pfft I simply do no believe this.  My lover better hold it in till the day he dies.  Who are these people that decided this was the equivalent gesture to giving flowers or chocolates.  Anything beyond the, dare I say, almost cute sleep fluffs will drive me mad.  Now I'm not a prude and very aware that "everybody poops" but I don't want to know about it.   I have a pretty high threshold when it comes to the body, give me pimples, stray hairs or belly button fluff and I wont blink twice, but I still value some old school rules like, causally leaving the room to fart.  It's not that hard.

I'm sure some people will disagree and think closeness is based on holding nothing back, and that perhaps I haven't had this level of closeness.  This is not true, me and the lover are very close, been living together for almost two years so there are no real secrets but we do NOT fart in front of each other and we ARE in love. 

I think its a good sign to keep some mystery about each other, having this boundary, even if it is my only real one, shows that we respect each other, or more he respects me and my sensitive girly nose.  I think its a good think, a sign of passion, romance and sex appeal.  He likes to pay for meals, take me out on the town, make me tea and keep me happy. We share everything, I can tell him anything, have complete faith and trust in him and also want to kill him a lot of the time.  We are as close as two peas in a pod!

Ok not right now, I want to punch him because he is stomping around because I don't want to leave the computer and warmth to go to the pub.  But still fart free room!

I really am baffled how this natural but unpleasant action now relates to true love and comfort, what's next?  Pooping with the door open (think that Sex in the City episode)?  Maybe its because I am young, child free (except for Marvin the schnauzer) and always was appalled at my brothers lack of grace.  Whatever it is I am happy not being part of this faze.   I would rather wonder why he left the room then know what he just ate.  That to me is comfort.